Lately I got in an argument with a close friend and he uttered the words I dreaded to hear: "Yeah, well, I'm just the kind of guy who moves on, y'know."
Every time I look on my generation, I have to rest my face in my hands for a second. One of the major flaws we carry is precisely this life-moves-on-and-so-do-I attitude when dealing with everything. Every other generation might sit on the hem of this attitude, but mine? Everyone seems to just have it hard-coded in there head.
I invited my friend about a week ago to a Virtual Reality meet-up I already RSVP'd to and told him to do the same. I figured he liked video games, why not take him along? Only problem was, I needed a ride. I guess it was a disaster just waiting to happen. He gave me an ambiguous answer ("Yeah, I'll see") and never replied to any text or FB messages I sent throughout the week (I could tell that he read my messages, he just didn't bother responding).
The day of, he finally called me and apologized. I had to call him out on it. He said he went off to hang out with friends. Then he changed the story to group study. I told him I'd rather he didn't apologize. I'd rather he told me to go fuck myself and jump off a bridge rather than keep me in the dark about whether he was going to pick me up or not. Then he uttered those unforgivable words. Famous last words uttered by my idiotic roommate last year after he'd come back drunk and thrown up all over our small cubicle sized room and told me "life moves on" when I told him to learn a goddamn lesson and stop fucking up over and over again.
I told my ditcher-of-a-friend that I had a hard time believing he could flake on me like that without even giving me a heads up. You don't just forget things and turn your back on a friend. At one point, I was even considering leaving all my valuables and spare cash with him if I had to make a run for it and come back for it later, but now, it looks like he would've sold off all my goods and spent the spare cash on his childish trading cards and told me that "he'd forgotten" about me and how "life moves on."
It infuriates me that a best friend, someone you should be able to lean on would do something like this. He's ditched other times, but with prior notice. The drop that really broke the damn for me was the fact that he's fucked up multiple times before and shrugged off valuable advice I'd given him ("Hey man, if you really want to do X as a career, then you need to start preparing by doing X. Post your work on Facebook and I'll critique for you since I am an X enthusiast.").
You might ask me to find better friends. Yeah, well, I can count all my real friends with one hand. The rest are lice. Phonies. Sheep. Buddy-fuckers. Do I really need to tally down on one more friend?
This "Life Moves On" nonchalant attitude is seriously going to be the end of us. It's a gross misinterpretation of what Life Moves On should really entail... We move on when we're held back in an unhealthy way. But everyone tries to apply it to every aspect of life. No more do we care to learn a lesson from our carelessness and mistakes. Because it's okay. Society will pardon you for throwing up all over your roommate and yours' shared room (not to mention the underage drinking) and even forgive you for screwing over friends for other friends.
I abhor in this attitude and am disgusted by the way my friend handled the situation and just blew off my whole telling off. He even ended the conversation by telling me that he had another call coming in. No decency to even make things right (I told him I didn't want his apology anyways. I told him he should've just told me he wasn't coming for me. I told him he jut never learns sometimes. I didn't tell him why his father always complains about him or why he always gets yelled at at our part-time job. Why he always needs to be babysat at two-decades young).
In the end, I can let it go because it's not healthy for me to bear grudges. But I doubt I'll ever rely on him for anything again. I think he doesn't see in me what I see in him and my other friends. I treat them like brothers and I give them free handouts and always have their backs and even slug 'em in the face if they're acting irrational. This guy... he's no brother of mine. He sees us as playthings. Like children see their friends not as their lifelong wolf pack but as playthings.
Life moves on. Fuck it.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Improving Your Social Skills? Not a Chance.
Lately, I come to the conclusion that there is no improving one's social skills after a certain age, just like one does not naturally grow taller after entering adulthood. From personal experience and from viewing my peers, I really don't see a person who is intrinsically social reduced to a recluse and vice versa by willpower alone.
Let me use me as an example. Mine is a case by case issue. In high school for instance, I was timid and reluctant to contribute to discussions in classes where my knowledge of the subject was average or below (Chemistry, foreign language classes) with some cases of shyness more severe than others, as with classes where I felt isolated and lonely because everyone else knew who their friends were.
In classes where my knowledge was average or beyond (math classes, AP English in my Senior year, music), I fared far better with socialization.
In the case of math classes, I knew no one, but felt obliged to answer the instructor's questions because no one else was, not because I liked hearing the sound of my own voice. To say the least, I think I was able to at least spur on discussion from other students, although I seldom befriended anyone (the only exception being Calculus in my senior year where I befriended almost half a dozen individuals. The fact that I had a best friend in the class was not relevant because he made his own friend which ultimately led to the demise of our friendship).
I was still very timid in English class for the better of the year, but felt encouraged because I always had something funny or clever to the crack the few times I did speak over the year (and a kick-ass presentation that elicited plenty of laughter and smiles and perked up ears on Dan Brown's works) and a willing audience to give me positive feedback.
In orchestra, I began as a nobody and rose as a classmate who got along with everyone in the class including the conductor herself. I made about a dozen close connections that year (all of which would eventually fray following the rest of high school). Ultimately, building my rep and receiving appreciation by the entire class stoked my confidence although there was always a part of me that was afraid to screw up in front of everyone.
Everyone around that did a lot of talking in class... well, they went on about it. It would come in different volumes in different classes but ultimately, I didn't sense any bit of shyness crop up in them. I did however feel their aura of confidence. In the end, it made me feel as though the multitudes around me were more confident and even more academically accomplished than I was although I realize now that it was an illusions. Sometimes, I had the answer at the tip of my tongue, but felt disinclined to speak it.
In my adult life, this is drastically affecting me and my career choices. For one, I find a clerk or cashier job almost intolerable (unless of course I'm working in a GameStop or in the computer department at Best Buy). I find the sheer amount of talking I'd have to do in a work day head-throbbing. I'd also hate to have to hash several forms of greetings the day before.
And there's still this unshakeable feeling of aversion to group activities with people I don't know. Sleeping in a cabin with fellow students whose names I didn't even know during a field trip in elementary school. Grouping up with a bunch of upperclassmen for a PE activity in middle school because no one else wanted me. Going to a dance in high school. Celebrating a dorm member's drinking party in high school. It all felt... so uncomfortable. It's like I can't see past this barrier that's telling me to avoid group activities altogether.
I don't have this problem when I'm with my friends or when I'm working closely with students at my part-time job at an art studio. But every other interaction just gives me a strange, tight-gutted reaction. I recently talked to a girl who I was only loosely associated with back in high school and in between the small talk caught up with each other on our schools and what we were planning on doing for the week. I spoke with confidence and a smile to boot while my other friend kept cracking bad jokes and degrading himself (he's socially awkward, but doesn't realize it). Nonetheless, I was trying pretty hard not to lose my train of thought, not to make my voice crack and to keep my gut from flopping, and this was just some girl I was loosely associated with.
I tended to have this problem even in a class with an upperclassmen instructor (male, might I add) who I thought was alright and a great conversation partner, only to feel hollow and distant on the inside as the interaction went on. I'm even having these issues with my current housemate.
I don't know why, but hundreds and hundreds of interactions later have done little to change my high school social habits. Sure, it might be too early in the game to know, but I know for a fact that no matter how much I have to fake loving socialization, I will always, always fall back on my reclusiveness. I can adapt to a situation by telling myself that I don't give a damn about so and so strangers I'm meeting up with and that I won't ever have to interact with them again. But I don't think I could ever adopt a genuine inclination to socializing.
I'm also pretty standoffish about certain so-called momentous events like marriage. Just the thought of having to get up in front of my family (which I haven't been particularly proud of) and her family and have to give a whole speech and then make-up is distasteful. It's so... uncomfortable. I'm not so much afraid to get up there as I simply find it pointless. Fortunately, in this day and age, tying the knot really isn't necessary for a life lone commitment, but lets be honest, what girl would marry a man who won't propose? I've already crossed off marriage as something that I will never partake in.
And so I wonder how this will affect me in the long run. I'm not particularly good with performances like recitals or interviews. I get jittery, my hands gets clammy and I don't think I'm afraid... because there's nothing life threatening about it... I just hate to be watched and judged. Maybe that's why I hate socialization. Because I read into the probing eyes and ambiguous whispers too much. I might need to add that I'm a glass half-empty kind of guy mot of the time and that doesn't help.
So if I feel like I'm under the scrutiny of a world that just wants to pick out my flaws, what can I do? It's hard to change my psyche, one that has been chiseled in deep by years of abysmal humiliation, broken self-esteem and loneliness. I know I have an integral social side though. I experience it when I'm with my close friends. With my sibling. With students at that art studio job I love so much. I can only hope to carry it over to my other interactions, but I really think that keeping the two spheres separate is what makes the former so endearing to me. The people I can interact with, I keep not a notch, but a million notches above the rest of the world. I think my only chances in socializing with the rest of the world is by distancing myself emotionally from them. By deceiving myself by telling myself that people won't laugh at me or think badly of me.
But that kind of deception is one that I liken to crossing paths with a hooded man in the late hours past midnight in a city with an astronomical crime index and telling myself that he's just a normal guy like me taking a stroll and that he means no ill will. I have a long and tough journey ahead. I know that I can't change my social habits for the better, but I can put the ones I've developed to good use. I just need to learn how.
Let me use me as an example. Mine is a case by case issue. In high school for instance, I was timid and reluctant to contribute to discussions in classes where my knowledge of the subject was average or below (Chemistry, foreign language classes) with some cases of shyness more severe than others, as with classes where I felt isolated and lonely because everyone else knew who their friends were.
In classes where my knowledge was average or beyond (math classes, AP English in my Senior year, music), I fared far better with socialization.
In the case of math classes, I knew no one, but felt obliged to answer the instructor's questions because no one else was, not because I liked hearing the sound of my own voice. To say the least, I think I was able to at least spur on discussion from other students, although I seldom befriended anyone (the only exception being Calculus in my senior year where I befriended almost half a dozen individuals. The fact that I had a best friend in the class was not relevant because he made his own friend which ultimately led to the demise of our friendship).
I was still very timid in English class for the better of the year, but felt encouraged because I always had something funny or clever to the crack the few times I did speak over the year (and a kick-ass presentation that elicited plenty of laughter and smiles and perked up ears on Dan Brown's works) and a willing audience to give me positive feedback.
In orchestra, I began as a nobody and rose as a classmate who got along with everyone in the class including the conductor herself. I made about a dozen close connections that year (all of which would eventually fray following the rest of high school). Ultimately, building my rep and receiving appreciation by the entire class stoked my confidence although there was always a part of me that was afraid to screw up in front of everyone.
Everyone around that did a lot of talking in class... well, they went on about it. It would come in different volumes in different classes but ultimately, I didn't sense any bit of shyness crop up in them. I did however feel their aura of confidence. In the end, it made me feel as though the multitudes around me were more confident and even more academically accomplished than I was although I realize now that it was an illusions. Sometimes, I had the answer at the tip of my tongue, but felt disinclined to speak it.
In my adult life, this is drastically affecting me and my career choices. For one, I find a clerk or cashier job almost intolerable (unless of course I'm working in a GameStop or in the computer department at Best Buy). I find the sheer amount of talking I'd have to do in a work day head-throbbing. I'd also hate to have to hash several forms of greetings the day before.
And there's still this unshakeable feeling of aversion to group activities with people I don't know. Sleeping in a cabin with fellow students whose names I didn't even know during a field trip in elementary school. Grouping up with a bunch of upperclassmen for a PE activity in middle school because no one else wanted me. Going to a dance in high school. Celebrating a dorm member's drinking party in high school. It all felt... so uncomfortable. It's like I can't see past this barrier that's telling me to avoid group activities altogether.
I don't have this problem when I'm with my friends or when I'm working closely with students at my part-time job at an art studio. But every other interaction just gives me a strange, tight-gutted reaction. I recently talked to a girl who I was only loosely associated with back in high school and in between the small talk caught up with each other on our schools and what we were planning on doing for the week. I spoke with confidence and a smile to boot while my other friend kept cracking bad jokes and degrading himself (he's socially awkward, but doesn't realize it). Nonetheless, I was trying pretty hard not to lose my train of thought, not to make my voice crack and to keep my gut from flopping, and this was just some girl I was loosely associated with.
I tended to have this problem even in a class with an upperclassmen instructor (male, might I add) who I thought was alright and a great conversation partner, only to feel hollow and distant on the inside as the interaction went on. I'm even having these issues with my current housemate.
I don't know why, but hundreds and hundreds of interactions later have done little to change my high school social habits. Sure, it might be too early in the game to know, but I know for a fact that no matter how much I have to fake loving socialization, I will always, always fall back on my reclusiveness. I can adapt to a situation by telling myself that I don't give a damn about so and so strangers I'm meeting up with and that I won't ever have to interact with them again. But I don't think I could ever adopt a genuine inclination to socializing.
I'm also pretty standoffish about certain so-called momentous events like marriage. Just the thought of having to get up in front of my family (which I haven't been particularly proud of) and her family and have to give a whole speech and then make-up is distasteful. It's so... uncomfortable. I'm not so much afraid to get up there as I simply find it pointless. Fortunately, in this day and age, tying the knot really isn't necessary for a life lone commitment, but lets be honest, what girl would marry a man who won't propose? I've already crossed off marriage as something that I will never partake in.
And so I wonder how this will affect me in the long run. I'm not particularly good with performances like recitals or interviews. I get jittery, my hands gets clammy and I don't think I'm afraid... because there's nothing life threatening about it... I just hate to be watched and judged. Maybe that's why I hate socialization. Because I read into the probing eyes and ambiguous whispers too much. I might need to add that I'm a glass half-empty kind of guy mot of the time and that doesn't help.
So if I feel like I'm under the scrutiny of a world that just wants to pick out my flaws, what can I do? It's hard to change my psyche, one that has been chiseled in deep by years of abysmal humiliation, broken self-esteem and loneliness. I know I have an integral social side though. I experience it when I'm with my close friends. With my sibling. With students at that art studio job I love so much. I can only hope to carry it over to my other interactions, but I really think that keeping the two spheres separate is what makes the former so endearing to me. The people I can interact with, I keep not a notch, but a million notches above the rest of the world. I think my only chances in socializing with the rest of the world is by distancing myself emotionally from them. By deceiving myself by telling myself that people won't laugh at me or think badly of me.
But that kind of deception is one that I liken to crossing paths with a hooded man in the late hours past midnight in a city with an astronomical crime index and telling myself that he's just a normal guy like me taking a stroll and that he means no ill will. I have a long and tough journey ahead. I know that I can't change my social habits for the better, but I can put the ones I've developed to good use. I just need to learn how.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Echo of Soul - Blue Eyepatch
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| Dropped 150 gold on this eyepatch in celebration for making about ~3-400 gold today. Pimpin' that level cap! I got pretty salty when I got ganged up on doing a daily quest by someone (and their mate from another guild) I literally spared even as they passed me by with their HP dangerously low. Nerve of some people! I player kill when I have to player kill. And often get a whole guild's crew on my ass. I don't play games to feel more powerful and harass others for no reason. I've got nothing to compensate for in real life. Feeling small (in more ways than one) salty PKers? :) |
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Feeling Alienated by Housemate and Roommate
I've been sharing a small two-floor townhouse apartment unit with two guys who I will refer to as Mr. Hacker and Mr. [Persistent] Gamer for the last 4 months who cannot be any more distant (well as far the closest people to me in college can be).
Mr. Hacker is a foreign student who can speak decent English and comes from a wealthy family. He first brought to my attention his interest in 'hacking' at the beginning of the year (he bought a Raspberry Pi and learned MySQL). He even did research on his own on white hat hacking as a potential career. Good for him, and I encouragingly told him that he'd go places if he kept that attitude up. Engaging in hobbies relevant to a career of choice. Mr. Hacker lives in the room across from the one I share with my roommate.
My roommate is Mr. [Persistent] Gamer who astounded me with the amount of time he invested gaming. Every waking hour. I'm not joking. Only occasionally have I ever seen him peering at his textbooks or slides. He spends most of his day in the downstairs study while I have a desk in our room. He's pretty chill... not that he looks out for us or goes out of his way to save us a seat and make our lives easier- he just doesn't give a shit half the time. When I asked to sample his snacks or borrow his cooking ware he says yeah sure without breaking his stare at his laptop. When I apologize for staying up late and keeping the lights in our room on, he's not concerned. But the opposite goes for his as well. He's woken me up on occasion by popping open our bathroom door (it airlocks every time it's shut so it emits a loud sound when it is reopened).
Despite their flaws, Mr. Hacker is probably the most nonchalant of the two. How many times have I walked into the kitchen to see that one side of the sink is piled to the top with dirty dishes. Yes, I have the other side of the sink, but he always leaves the food scraps to rot, curdle and turn to powder. This happened in the past week and I can't stand the stench of the kitchen. I think it has something to do with his upbringing. We once had a debate over the values we assign to friends and family. I could tell his parents really spoiled the guy, because he absolutely kisses their ass. Myself, I value my friends. Family is family, but without the few friends I've garnered in the last couple of years, I'd have nothing to live for.
I could go on about how half the foyer outside our rooms is covered in his luggage and his dozens of pairs of shoes, but I think I'll cut to the chase at this point: my housemate and roommate leave me out of everything. I don't really care, but it'd be nice if they'd at least invite me to pick up groceries with them every once in a while or work together on a project. We are all, after all, computer science majors.
Back track about a year ago. Mr. Hacker and I were walking down the streets of town looking for a place to stay in the following year. Freshmen are booted off the campus dorms after their first year. I came to know Mr. Hacker and later, Mr. Gamer through a friend I met during orientation. I still keep in touch with that friend. You see, Mr. Hacker and Mr. Gamer were his former roommates. None of them knew the others beforehand but the year ended in debacle for my friend... he was alienated by the two for reasons different than mine. For instance, my friend blew the entire year off on gaming, mostly on an extremely popular MOBA whose name I won't bother mentioning which substantially ruined his grades and his reputation with his roommates.
I struck an oppurtunity when I managed to hit it off with Mr. Hacker and Mr. Gamer. I had my own friends (and my own shitty effeminate roommate which I'd give anything to never live with again) but naturally, no one wanted me. I didn't ask Mr. Hacker and Mr. Gamer's roommate because he smoked weed and the last thing I needed was a drug bust.
So that afternoon, Mr. Hacker and I found the apartment complex which would end up being our residence for the present year. Now Mr. Gamer like me doesn't mind living economically so we decided to share a room. We pay less than half what Mr. Hacker pays for his who prefers living opulently and comfortably. He has backing from his family anyways.
So at the start of the year, the three of us went to explore the surrounding areas, mostly in search of grocery stores. When that was all said and done, we never had another outting together. Ever. I did my best to reach out to them. At the time, I regularly worked out and asked either of the two to join me. The answer was always no. I asked Mr. Gamer to try out a game I was playing at the time and it was never his type. I also always came up short on words to say to Mr. Hacker. I think the biggest problem between him and I is our disjoint speech patterns. I tend to speak in a mix-mash of slang and formal talk (and also idiomatically) so half of what I said probably flew over his head. He had a much easier time with Mr. Gamer who uses a lot of internet and game terms ('scrub' and a bunch of LoL terms). The funny thing is, Mr. Hacker sort of caved into his slacker side a few weeks into our first month living here and began playing LoL again which Mr. Gamer was happy to accompany. The hacker stuff? That was just a phase really.
Besides the occasional nod, I don't communicate much with Mr. Hacker. I talk a lot more with Mr. Gamer. I occasionally joke about him channeling his energy into creating a game for once. Lord knows where all those hours gaming could've better served him. I've even suggested he started streaming on Twitch. He's not really concerned about his grades because the government is paying his tuition and living costs. Go figures. Mr. Hacker's family is plenty wealthy and I'm sure all the classes he's failed in the last year barely put a dent on their fortune. I'm a straight A student because I can't afford to fail. I'm taking over 30 grand a year out of my parents' savings. We've even come up short on cash once. I had to pay for a month of rent on my own which I was not happy doing.
Today, I saw Mr. Hacker waiting in the living room. He seldom departs from his room which is probably his man cave for all things pornography and whatnot. I've stolen a peak at the crack of the door every once in the while when I have to ask to borrow his kitchenware. I didn't have the faintest idea what he was up to until I noticed the fridge was full several hours later. He was waiting for my roommate, Mr. Gamer to get off class so they could pick up groceries. And neither of the two informed me even though they have both my number and Facebook. Funny thing is, the only time they contact me is when they forget their keys and end up needing me to hitch up my ass and head down for them.
Also, Mr. Hacker has a tendency to ask when I'm coming back or what I'm doing. He also cracked a joke about one of my statuses though he didn't leave a comment. It's a bit... disturbing, if you ask me, but hell if I know how they do it in his country. You might consider these to be attempts at reaching out, but trust me, if he wanted to reach out, I'm sure it'd be a lot easier to drag me along for groceries or at least come out and exercise with me for once. We have a gym downstairs for Christ's sake!
In the end, it doesn't really matter anyways. I socialize on occasion with friends I made last year and even with my closer friends from back home on Skype. I just wonder why it all came to this even though I sought them out as housemates last year. I thought worse comes to worse, I'd have to live alone... but the alienation I'm feeling living with these guys? Yeah, I think I'd rather take my chances with the former.
Mr. Hacker is a foreign student who can speak decent English and comes from a wealthy family. He first brought to my attention his interest in 'hacking' at the beginning of the year (he bought a Raspberry Pi and learned MySQL). He even did research on his own on white hat hacking as a potential career. Good for him, and I encouragingly told him that he'd go places if he kept that attitude up. Engaging in hobbies relevant to a career of choice. Mr. Hacker lives in the room across from the one I share with my roommate.
My roommate is Mr. [Persistent] Gamer who astounded me with the amount of time he invested gaming. Every waking hour. I'm not joking. Only occasionally have I ever seen him peering at his textbooks or slides. He spends most of his day in the downstairs study while I have a desk in our room. He's pretty chill... not that he looks out for us or goes out of his way to save us a seat and make our lives easier- he just doesn't give a shit half the time. When I asked to sample his snacks or borrow his cooking ware he says yeah sure without breaking his stare at his laptop. When I apologize for staying up late and keeping the lights in our room on, he's not concerned. But the opposite goes for his as well. He's woken me up on occasion by popping open our bathroom door (it airlocks every time it's shut so it emits a loud sound when it is reopened).
Despite their flaws, Mr. Hacker is probably the most nonchalant of the two. How many times have I walked into the kitchen to see that one side of the sink is piled to the top with dirty dishes. Yes, I have the other side of the sink, but he always leaves the food scraps to rot, curdle and turn to powder. This happened in the past week and I can't stand the stench of the kitchen. I think it has something to do with his upbringing. We once had a debate over the values we assign to friends and family. I could tell his parents really spoiled the guy, because he absolutely kisses their ass. Myself, I value my friends. Family is family, but without the few friends I've garnered in the last couple of years, I'd have nothing to live for.
I could go on about how half the foyer outside our rooms is covered in his luggage and his dozens of pairs of shoes, but I think I'll cut to the chase at this point: my housemate and roommate leave me out of everything. I don't really care, but it'd be nice if they'd at least invite me to pick up groceries with them every once in a while or work together on a project. We are all, after all, computer science majors.
Back track about a year ago. Mr. Hacker and I were walking down the streets of town looking for a place to stay in the following year. Freshmen are booted off the campus dorms after their first year. I came to know Mr. Hacker and later, Mr. Gamer through a friend I met during orientation. I still keep in touch with that friend. You see, Mr. Hacker and Mr. Gamer were his former roommates. None of them knew the others beforehand but the year ended in debacle for my friend... he was alienated by the two for reasons different than mine. For instance, my friend blew the entire year off on gaming, mostly on an extremely popular MOBA whose name I won't bother mentioning which substantially ruined his grades and his reputation with his roommates.
I struck an oppurtunity when I managed to hit it off with Mr. Hacker and Mr. Gamer. I had my own friends (and my own shitty effeminate roommate which I'd give anything to never live with again) but naturally, no one wanted me. I didn't ask Mr. Hacker and Mr. Gamer's roommate because he smoked weed and the last thing I needed was a drug bust.
So that afternoon, Mr. Hacker and I found the apartment complex which would end up being our residence for the present year. Now Mr. Gamer like me doesn't mind living economically so we decided to share a room. We pay less than half what Mr. Hacker pays for his who prefers living opulently and comfortably. He has backing from his family anyways.
So at the start of the year, the three of us went to explore the surrounding areas, mostly in search of grocery stores. When that was all said and done, we never had another outting together. Ever. I did my best to reach out to them. At the time, I regularly worked out and asked either of the two to join me. The answer was always no. I asked Mr. Gamer to try out a game I was playing at the time and it was never his type. I also always came up short on words to say to Mr. Hacker. I think the biggest problem between him and I is our disjoint speech patterns. I tend to speak in a mix-mash of slang and formal talk (and also idiomatically) so half of what I said probably flew over his head. He had a much easier time with Mr. Gamer who uses a lot of internet and game terms ('scrub' and a bunch of LoL terms). The funny thing is, Mr. Hacker sort of caved into his slacker side a few weeks into our first month living here and began playing LoL again which Mr. Gamer was happy to accompany. The hacker stuff? That was just a phase really.
Besides the occasional nod, I don't communicate much with Mr. Hacker. I talk a lot more with Mr. Gamer. I occasionally joke about him channeling his energy into creating a game for once. Lord knows where all those hours gaming could've better served him. I've even suggested he started streaming on Twitch. He's not really concerned about his grades because the government is paying his tuition and living costs. Go figures. Mr. Hacker's family is plenty wealthy and I'm sure all the classes he's failed in the last year barely put a dent on their fortune. I'm a straight A student because I can't afford to fail. I'm taking over 30 grand a year out of my parents' savings. We've even come up short on cash once. I had to pay for a month of rent on my own which I was not happy doing.
Today, I saw Mr. Hacker waiting in the living room. He seldom departs from his room which is probably his man cave for all things pornography and whatnot. I've stolen a peak at the crack of the door every once in the while when I have to ask to borrow his kitchenware. I didn't have the faintest idea what he was up to until I noticed the fridge was full several hours later. He was waiting for my roommate, Mr. Gamer to get off class so they could pick up groceries. And neither of the two informed me even though they have both my number and Facebook. Funny thing is, the only time they contact me is when they forget their keys and end up needing me to hitch up my ass and head down for them.
Also, Mr. Hacker has a tendency to ask when I'm coming back or what I'm doing. He also cracked a joke about one of my statuses though he didn't leave a comment. It's a bit... disturbing, if you ask me, but hell if I know how they do it in his country. You might consider these to be attempts at reaching out, but trust me, if he wanted to reach out, I'm sure it'd be a lot easier to drag me along for groceries or at least come out and exercise with me for once. We have a gym downstairs for Christ's sake!
In the end, it doesn't really matter anyways. I socialize on occasion with friends I made last year and even with my closer friends from back home on Skype. I just wonder why it all came to this even though I sought them out as housemates last year. I thought worse comes to worse, I'd have to live alone... but the alienation I'm feeling living with these guys? Yeah, I think I'd rather take my chances with the former.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Fake 1TB Toshiba External HDD inbound?
So lately, I've been in the market for a new hard drive since I have quite a few files to take off of my gdrive.
I came across this listing here:
I immediately jumped the gun and bought it. But within minutes of really picking my way through the listing, I became extremely skeptical. First off, this isn't the first time I've come across a steal of a deal on an external hard drive. Incidentally, the first time it happened, the hard drive was a legitimate WD.
Now, we have this $29 Toshiba 1tb drive... I did a little bit of research on fake HDD and found this image which scared the shit out of me prompting me to cancel my order.
Look at this... how pathetic. The port is wired to a piece of flash memory, probably a 8gb that is masked to look like 1TB on a PC. Not to mention the weights? Wow, that is desperate! If these counterfeiters put as much energy into creating legitimate products as they do coming up with scams, they'd probably go places. But as you can see, this fake "WD Elements" drive has no platters or any conventional HDD innards at all. The manual looks legit. The trademarks are there too. It's the box that is a dead giveaway... from the chinese text to the sketchy looking barcodes.
Now let's go back to the eBay listing. Besides the obvious incorrect pictures, there are a few things that hint at a ploy. If you follow the link, you'll notice that parts of the description that aren't ripped off from manufacture descriptions have BROKEN ENGLISH. This again folks, is a dead giveaway. Also, notice that the delivery estimation runs upwards to 2 weeks. This is understandable seeing that the seller is shipping worldwide apparently, but at this point, I'm not even going to risk 2 weeks to see my hard drive. They'll probably drive up a good excuse for it. Texas based huh? I don't think so. A lot of counterfeit distributors will lie about their location. I've even been scammed out of money once on Amazon where the seller delayed as long as possible until other customers realized they'd been chiseled and started leaving negative feedback. Fortunately Amazon was good about getting my money back to me.
Now let's hope eBay does the same. I've canceled the order within 10 minutes but unfortunately I still have to "wait" to see if the seller can cancel at this time. I don't think they will try to take my money and ship me the drive, but you never know... the worse thing that can happen is me waiting for a product I know is fake to arrive then paying to have it shipped back. Of course, I'd put up a front with eBay and escalate the case first telling them that it is unethical to return a counterfeit and encourage the seller to redistribute it. I've had issues in the past however where the escalated case was stagnated due to the fact that the seller absolutely refused to budge unless I returned the product resulting in a small monetary loss, a headache and an absolute waste of time on my part and the seller? Scot-free and free to resell his counterfeits.
I came across this listing here:
I immediately jumped the gun and bought it. But within minutes of really picking my way through the listing, I became extremely skeptical. First off, this isn't the first time I've come across a steal of a deal on an external hard drive. Incidentally, the first time it happened, the hard drive was a legitimate WD.
Now, we have this $29 Toshiba 1tb drive... I did a little bit of research on fake HDD and found this image which scared the shit out of me prompting me to cancel my order.
Look at this... how pathetic. The port is wired to a piece of flash memory, probably a 8gb that is masked to look like 1TB on a PC. Not to mention the weights? Wow, that is desperate! If these counterfeiters put as much energy into creating legitimate products as they do coming up with scams, they'd probably go places. But as you can see, this fake "WD Elements" drive has no platters or any conventional HDD innards at all. The manual looks legit. The trademarks are there too. It's the box that is a dead giveaway... from the chinese text to the sketchy looking barcodes.
Now let's go back to the eBay listing. Besides the obvious incorrect pictures, there are a few things that hint at a ploy. If you follow the link, you'll notice that parts of the description that aren't ripped off from manufacture descriptions have BROKEN ENGLISH. This again folks, is a dead giveaway. Also, notice that the delivery estimation runs upwards to 2 weeks. This is understandable seeing that the seller is shipping worldwide apparently, but at this point, I'm not even going to risk 2 weeks to see my hard drive. They'll probably drive up a good excuse for it. Texas based huh? I don't think so. A lot of counterfeit distributors will lie about their location. I've even been scammed out of money once on Amazon where the seller delayed as long as possible until other customers realized they'd been chiseled and started leaving negative feedback. Fortunately Amazon was good about getting my money back to me.
Now let's hope eBay does the same. I've canceled the order within 10 minutes but unfortunately I still have to "wait" to see if the seller can cancel at this time. I don't think they will try to take my money and ship me the drive, but you never know... the worse thing that can happen is me waiting for a product I know is fake to arrive then paying to have it shipped back. Of course, I'd put up a front with eBay and escalate the case first telling them that it is unethical to return a counterfeit and encourage the seller to redistribute it. I've had issues in the past however where the escalated case was stagnated due to the fact that the seller absolutely refused to budge unless I returned the product resulting in a small monetary loss, a headache and an absolute waste of time on my part and the seller? Scot-free and free to resell his counterfeits.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Maggot Baits OP Lyrics
VN: Maggot Baits
Dev: ClockUp
Music: Tomorrow Never Comes - DataScape
Shield my eyes, all I have is emptiness inside
Sands of time are running out, I'm feeling so confined
The future's not so clear, with every moment passing
Theres nothing left to fear, or so they say...
But I could FADE AWAY,
Tomorrow never comes, but that's okay,
If I could SEIZE the day,
I'll hold you in my arms and fade away...
Turn the glass, your future slips into my grasp,
Waste the day, is not an option I can take,
The path is now so clear, make every moment lasting,
There's nothing left to fear, or so you say...
But I could FADE AWAY,
Tomorrow never comes, but that's okay,
If I could SEIZE the day,
I'll hold you in my arms and fade away.
Let me know if any of the lyrics are wrong/out of place! Lyrics were written by ear.
Dev: ClockUp
Music: Tomorrow Never Comes - DataScape
Shield my eyes, all I have is emptiness inside
Sands of time are running out, I'm feeling so confined
The future's not so clear, with every moment passing
Theres nothing left to fear, or so they say...
But I could FADE AWAY,
Tomorrow never comes, but that's okay,
If I could SEIZE the day,
I'll hold you in my arms and fade away...
Turn the glass, your future slips into my grasp,
Waste the day, is not an option I can take,
The path is now so clear, make every moment lasting,
There's nothing left to fear, or so you say...
But I could FADE AWAY,
Tomorrow never comes, but that's okay,
If I could SEIZE the day,
I'll hold you in my arms and fade away.
Let me know if any of the lyrics are wrong/out of place! Lyrics were written by ear.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Beat Assassin's Creed III... Finally
To say the least, it was a chore and I won't be buying any more AC titles. It wasn't all that bad, but the hype was not there. Now, I freaking love the Revolutionary War period in American history, but ACIII was just really underwhelming.
I took about 250+ give or take screenshots during my gameplay and thought I'd share them. They will be in two albums although out of order (for whatever reason). Feel free to use them for whatever you like so long as they are unmodified and you credit me in the caption.
I have a full albeit brief review of it on Steam. Look in the negative section.
Albums are on Imgur:
I took about 250+ give or take screenshots during my gameplay and thought I'd share them. They will be in two albums although out of order (for whatever reason). Feel free to use them for whatever you like so long as they are unmodified and you credit me in the caption.
I have a full albeit brief review of it on Steam. Look in the negative section.
 |
| Hate to admit it, but this shot was breathtaking. At the time, I still had high hopes for the game. |
Albums are on Imgur:
Assassin's Creed III Part I
Assassin's Creed III - Part 2
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